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Beverly Hills, that’s NOT where I want to be

You know that song: “Beverly Hills, that’s where I want to be!” well that’s NOT where I want to be.

The hills are so boring. The hill girls are fake. Fake eyelashes, tons of makeup, fake boobs, fake noses, Botox… They try SO hard on their looks and to impress who? In my opinion, the hill boys are straight-up ugly. They think money and sports cars can buy them girls, but they aren’t attractive or funny so this girl is out. That’s why I get it you drive a Lamborghini and can get me into a $100 club, but did I stick around? Nope. There are cuties in Cali of course. In my opinion, the cuties are basically all surfers. They are so hot! The girls and boys.

When I lived in Hollywood hills (I know I do hate all hills) I drove my jeep wrangler with the roof off and surfboard sticking out. All the tourists would press their faces to their tour bus and take a million pictures of this “Cali girl” I wonder if they would ever find out her license plate says Utah.

Also, why are Cali boys SOOOO impressed I can drive stick? Like it’s not that hard. I think it’s pretty shitty you guys think “girls don’t drive a stick” Hello, meet every European girl in the world.

Anyways, back when I was at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts we were talking about what we were gonna do for the weekend. I said going to the beach. So we all went. But the other girls wanted to protect their hair and their makeup and lie on the beach and get that nice tan. So NO ONE else went in the water. I obviously went in the water cause you will quickly learn I poke the most fun at myself and don’t give a sh*t about anything. (Backup LA dodger pitcher was 6’5, I’m 5 feet so we would go to dinner in Malibu and I would be ahead shorter in heals and decide it was probably appropriate to make fun of how small I am) so back to my story about surfing.

Yea I was in the water surfing like all day. The next day they were talking about where to go and I said: “Um yea I’m going back to the beach like every weekend day.” And I did. A couple of weeks later the AADA girls came back for a sun tanning sesh. I was out in the water, came back with a few homies. After my homies left the girls asked OMG how do you talk to such cute surf boys?

  • Lesson 1 Get in the water
  • Lesson 2 Surf
  • Lesson 3 Treat them like homies regardless of hot or not.

I think those are 3 good rules to take with you when you go to any surf beach. And oh yea and never cut people off. But if you know you are the worst person and the absolute bottom of the totem pole you will meet some rad people and have some wonderful unique experiences.

This week in Cali. Fall break b*tches. was a blast. Went to a music festival at Joshua Tree with Artist credentials. Surfed and shopped in Ventura. Did a different fitness class every day. Ate a lot of delicious food. (unfortunately, no I’m not anorexic or do tons of hardcore drugs, so I’m not a twig) and to top it all off went on a 4-person private plane. That sunset from the sky over the ocean was gorgeous and obsoletely breathtaking. Like I literally forgot to breathe for a sec.

Thanks, Ari for taking us flying, you are the BEST!
We stayed with some amazing people. Thanks, Siobon and Bri.

And yea Siobahn, I love it when your Doberman lies on me, he is literally bigger than me so you might think I’m being sarcastic but I love that pooch.

Bri and I met because this boy she was with wanted her to meet his roommate 2 years ago. (me) Needless to say, he lay in bed and did too many drugs, I know you are a trust fund brat but get off your ass! So yea he is way gone but Bri and I are still besties and I love that crazy, booty twerking, blonde, dunk. Thanks, Bri for holding my surfboard! Next time I’m back it will give us a good excuse to meet up and go rage.

Also, Lynne (a great family friend we often stay with and had dinner with this trip) and I decided we are following the 3 A’s in boys (or maybe I should go for men?):

  • Athletic
  • Affectionate
  • Attentive

So boys if you fit that criteria line up and maybe we will make it two weeks!